Un-Merry Christmas

I suppose it isn't appropriate to discuss exactly how poor you are. And I know that there are people in worse situations, but I never imagined my life like this.

Let me start off by introducing you to my life. I'm a young woman in her early twenties and I'm living in a 3-room apartment with two males and only one full bathroom. Only one of us has an actual job, but he is paid so little that he can barely pay his part of the rent and utilities. My other roommate and I are full-time students that receive financial aid from the government because our fathers were in the military, but let me stress that the "aid" barely aids us at all. Every month brings a slew of financial stresses on us as we are struggling to pay our bills and eat. We live in a town that lacks positions in the job market, well this town pretty much lacks in everything, but we are unable to move to some place better and more economically efficient. We are trapped. We survive off of hot dogs, spam, ramen and cheap bread. Our cats have a more nutritious diet than we do. Sometimes I wake up in the night wondering if I should buy food or pay for the electricity bill and I just can't decide which is more important: to eat real food or to have lights and heat. Honestly, I'm very lucky to still have the internet at this point. I'm sure Time Warner is going to shut it off as soon as they realize that I can't pay their outrageous bill. I can't pay ANY of my bills. Not my electricity, internet, cable, or student loan bill. I have never felt so much stress over money. I really regret buying my roommates their Christmas presents, even though they were small, mediocre presents at best. But isn't this what Christmas is all about? Being in debt up to your ears because you just wanted to see the people you love be happy? I am left with the unhappy realization that I did not prioritize my money correctly this month. I should not have cared about damn Christmas and yet I am begging Santa Claus for a Christmas present of paid bills and food to eat.